Living with Anxietys and how to tell when it might be time to talk to a doctor.

I write this as someone who does suffer from anxiety on a daily basis!! In the beginning I blamed my feelings of being overwhelmed and not being in control on being a young mom, PMS , not having enough me time and just about anything else as long as I didn’t have to admit it might be time to see a doctor. Every one has anxietys, if you think I’m wrong let’s look at some of the synonyms I found on thesaurus.com for anxiety: ants in pants, apprehension, butterflies,concern, creeps, doubts, goosebumps, uneasy, nervous and that’s just a few. There’s nothing wrong with having anxieties they are part of everyday life. But how do you know when your anxietys are starting to control you and how you live your life?? For me it took a couple years. I’ve always known that I had anxietys when it comes to my children since the first day I went home from the hospital and I realized that I was now responsible for a life other then mine! Those feeling were and are completely normal and I did fine with them even when they grew to being responsible for three life’s other then my own. Since I have had my last child 2 1/2 years ago my anxietys have gotten worse, I started having episodes were I felt like pulling out my hair, I stop wanting to garden, I didn’t find the joy that I use to when it came to doing fun things with the kids, like going swimming, the night before going swimming I would stay up all night thinking about the hundreds of ways my kids could get hurt or worse, almost to the point were I’d decide that we weren’t going. Worst of all I started making even more excuses for why I felt so crazy, anything that I thought it could be, not enough sleep, to much caffeine, PMS, stress of being a mother, not having a plan for my days. And I would try things that I thought might help me like becoming more organized which work very well for me in the beginning but anxiety can also cause mental exhaustion, and depression which turns even the most well planned out day in to a chore. I tried almost everything I could think would help me with this feeling of  craziness, I tried exercising, yoga, vitamins , eating a cleaner diet. These things worked until I’d have a down day that would turn the simplest of tasks into something that would make me either want to cry or become very frustrated. I didn’t want to admit that my anxietys were getting the best of me because I thought it would make me look weak, but now I know different. After a long talk with a good friend and the realization that I wasn’t the only mother that feel this way, I felt better about my anxietys but I still wasn’t to keen on seeing a doctor. It wasn’t until about 2 weeks ago when I snapped that I knew I had to do some thing. It was all over the cleanness of the house, I have 5 kids so there is no such thing as a clean house. There will always be Legos on the floor and clothes in the baskets. But still I lost it, my husband got the most of it, I scream, cussed, screamed some more and by the end of it I was on the floor crying because I knew I shouldn’t be acting this way, but I felt so overwhelmed and out of control I didn’t know what to do. Once I had gotten myself together I went to talk to my oldest about my behavior and how even though I’m an adult I shouldn’t be acting like that. As I talked to her she smiled and hugged me but then she said something that changed my whole mindset about going to the doctor, she said ” it’s okay mommy I’m use to it”!!! My heart stopped and I just stared blankly at her,  have I really been acting this way so long that my kids aren’t phased by my actions??? I took some time to myself in the garden that night and thought about the way I have been acting and I realized that the melt downs and the days that I feel blue were happening more and more often. I was slowly hurting my family, my marriage, and my life by not going to get help. The last thing I want is for my kids to think they have to walk on eggshells around me because I might have a melt down. The next morning I made an appointment to talk to a doctor. It might take a while but I will gain back control over my mind and my emotions and be happy again!! If your anxietys are controlling your life and effecting the people you love, I suggest talking to someone. Everyone has anxietys some are worst then others but talking to a doctor will help and just because you talk to a doctor doesn’t mean your weak it means your strong. Strong enough to admit that you need help and that is big step on the road to being happy again! 

9/25/17 UPDATE: Hey y’all I thought I’d stop in let you know how I’m doing since I’ve seen the doctor for my anxietys. When I saw the doctor she put me on Paxil, and I’ve been on it for about two months. It’s been very good for me and my family!!  I no longer feel like I’m going crazy and are overwhelmed by the normal stresses of being a mom, wife, and everyday life!! And I know that I wouldn’t have been able to make it through the process of buying a new home with out it!!! Thank you all for support!!!!

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